Sensations of the Researcher


An Altar, 2017


Confusion and frustration
wanting to be alone
damp hair
loose pants
ease at the heart of self
not wanting to push
my path isn't the same
reconcilling to match the group
tape flags and notes
cold coffee dripping 
through watery condensation
why is the cat hiding?
when can we connect?
make the engine stop roaring
I like the birds
are my eyeborws too sparse?
greasy computer sleeve
two semesters of butter
stretched out
bean bag wrist rest
jersey sheets
checking my phone
hair elastic too tight
too many lists
never hitting the mark
going over the line
more to do
He doesn't like me that much-
when people don't want to work with you
their messages are clear
that's quite a courtesy
I'm too curt
burning embers
last night's charred wood
the taste of bacon
great pancake clouds
black cauldron coffee
could animals pop out of my mouth,
taking over?

team pride
cards and correspondence
dates and costs
everyone else's furniture
some months are smoother 
than others
taped up on the wall
some days forgetting 
the gratitude jar
James Velvet's Woody Gutherie poster
Niamh's mandala
Susan's prayer flags
Chris' candle
Demse's birthday card
Jay's blanket
Sasha's lamp shade
Kelly's desk
Mom's pillow
Annie's glass vase
That stool from some lady's tag sale
I think she was a painter-
everything we've envisioned 
has come true
just look at the vision boards
I hope TC will be a memory someday
this room is holding all the bits 
and dreams
it's musing all the pasts & presents
I know nothing of its futures.

Curtain rod, white mosaic wand
over sliding glass doors 
antique record player
with an Indian scarf tucked underneath
crooked shelves
first try at making a cupboard
coffee table from Yale student on the side of the road
TV from a giveaway
couch from craigslist
a person who likes to collect and reclaim 
items left behind 
(or secondhand items)
someone who improvises with what they have
makes what is provided enough
and dusts off others' trash as treasure
the room is slightly enhanced with ecclectic 
yet matching 
items from discount retailers 
or Goodwill
the objects hold so many histories
to people no longer here to project the narratives
-stories of events, celebrations, and gifts
-of ends and beginnings 
-of time, fashion, and aesthetics
-of making due
-of a suprisingly good match
things we choose to be reminded of 
in this satellite space
entering the mind of my colleagues
as a possible place to do the work 
where you also sit
in a known extension of our galaxy.

-jcd, June, 2017



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